EMOTIONAL SECURITY: WHEN IS IT SAFE TO FALL INTO EACH OTHER?
What do you see when looking at this vibrant leaf nestled in the green grass? I was struck by how safe and sound this leaf looks. I thought about how lucky it was to land on soft ground and safely nestle itself amongst the grass. It made me immediately think of all my clients who didn’t have safe connections in their closest relationships and worked hard in therapy to attain that growth and connection they desired.
Is falling in love again the same as safely falling into each other?
YES and NO. Sure, many couples want to experience again those exhilarating feelings that accompany their early years of being in love. I've seen many couples spark and rekindle that love…however, because two people often can change significantly over the years due to life challenges, natural maturity, children, etc, this love will transcend into something more grounded and secure. As we tackle our day-to-day stressors, we need more than romantic overtures (although still helpful and necessary)…we begin to appreciate how much we need to have the ability and trust to "fall into one another safely."
Does this happen naturally over time, or do we need couples therapy to create this safe place for our relationship?
Although some go through similar ups and downs as your relationship, they lean on various supports, beliefs, and commitments that allow them to experience this realization on their own. Others need more support and guidance. They feel stuck and at a crossroads. That is where relationship therapy can aid in the healing and growth process.
What if I've lost trust in my partner/spouse…can we repair our relationship to the point of "falling into each other" again? Right now, I feel like I don't want to be close at all, much less surrendering into my partner's/spouse's arms.
I will say this carefully and respectfully, knowing it may not be easy. YES, YOU CAN. It's possible. If you and your partner/spouse both desire to repair, rebuild, and commit to the process, your therapy journey can certainly create this newfound safety and appreciation for one another.
What if only one of us wants this, and the other is unsure?
That's okay…this is quite normal. Just be honest with the therapist you contact so they can determine if their work is the best fit for what you're seeking. However, couples therapy may not benefit you if one of you has decided to end the relationship. Some therapists offer "discernment counseling," which allows for a certain amount of sessions to help you gain more clarity about the direction of your relationship.
Can I attend therapy by myself and still experience this safe place in my relationship?
It can happen and often does...but it's hard to say for sure. I have worked with some individuals who, due to their unique relationship story and what they integrated from their therapy growth into the relationship, could see significant changes, as their partner responded positively and was receptive to these changes.
I've also experienced the opposite…. although the individual in therapy did admirable work and experienced significant personal growth, they still needed couples therapy because of the goals desired and the necessity for both to be present.
Is this really possible for us? It seems too good to be true, especially after many years of feeling like roommates and even enemies at times.
It's definitely possible. I witness miracles unfold right before my eyes. What happens in this therapy journey is too deep and personal to lay out perfectly in a blog post. I don't even think it can be captured in one exercise, not even in a book.
It is a journey and a dance that is a step-by-step process that involves two committed, determined individuals paired with a skilled therapist who uniquely uses their artistry... mere words do not suffice. One has to experience it.
My slogan is:
"Experience what it's like to regain hope, rebuild trust, and acquire that well-deserved growth within your most important relationships." ™
May you and those closest to you have the opportunity to experience what it's like to fall safely into one another, no matter how you decide to get there.
If you want to learn more about the possibility of relationship therapy for yourself and your loved ones, I invite you to schedule a free 20-minute consultation directly from my website: www.eleniparislmft.com.