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WHEN GRIEF SHOWS UP: MY REFLECTION ON UNEXPECTED EMOTION
- Eleni Paris
- Jul 9
- 6 min read
Grief doesn’t usually knock politely. She doesn’t ask if now is a good time or wait quietly on the porch.
She just shows up. In the middle of a sentence. In the middle of a meeting. In the middle of mid-life, long after you thought you were “through it.”
As a therapist, I sit with people in grief often. And I’ve found that it rarely looks like what we expect. It doesn’t move in neat stages. It doesn’t resolve on a timeline. It doesn’t necessarily lessen just because time passes. Instead, grief weaves itself through the landscape of our lives, sometimes loud, sometimes quiet, always connected to what we’ve deeply loved or longed for.
Grief Isn’t a Line. It’s a Loop.
One of the hardest parts of grieving is that it’s non-linear. We might imagine it as something we’ll get through, step by step, like a set of stairs. But grief often loops back. You may feel moments of peace and even joy, followed days or months later by a sharp sting of sadness or a surge of anger you didn’t see coming.
During therapy, I frequently remind clients that it is a natural response to loss and can manifest in various ways. Recognizing that grief is a normal part of the human experience and is essential for healing, can be so helpful in the midst of pain. More importantly, it reflects your bond with something significant.
Sometimes we grieve people. Sometimes we grieve the versions of ourselves we’ve outgrown. Sometimes we grieve dreams that didn’t unfold, relationships that changed, or roles that ended.
And sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re grieving until we’re overwhelmed by something seemingly small, such as a scent, a photo, a line from a song.
Grief shows up quietly, and sometimes dramatically. But it will show up, which is why part of our healing isn’t about getting over it, but about learning how to welcome it when it returns.
The Therapy Journey: Making Space for Grief
In my work with clients, the grief journey rarely follows a checklist. Instead, it often involves:
Naming what hurts: Often, grief is hiding beneath fatigue, distraction, or even anxiety. Together, we gently uncover what’s there, sometimes naming a loss for the very first time.
Making space without rushing: Grief needs space to breathe, not solutions. Our work might involve noticing how grief feels in your body, how it affects your relationships, and where you’re tempted to bypass it.
Holding "both/and": You can feel gratitude and devastation. You can laugh and miss someone terribly. We learn to hold these complexities together, without trying to sort them into “good” or “bad” feelings.
Reconnecting to love: Grief is often a reflection of love. And when you make room for grief, you’re not just revisiting loss. You’re reconnecting to what mattered most.
There’s no endpoint. But there is a path. And on that path, there can be meaning, connection, and growth.
The poem below came to me after one of those unpredictable waves, when I realized I had gone about my day feeling relatively “fine”… until I wasn’t. I share it here not as a prescription, but as a reflection of something we all carry...quietly, imperfectly, and often beautifully.
When Grief Shows Up
You know her all too well.
She comes uninvited,
Almost without regard to your preferences.
"I would appreciate some notice!"
Grief just shows up.
You may be in mid-sentence,
Perhaps deep into mid-life’s calm.
And you think, "Ahhh... I feel OK."
But she appears.
Grief just shows up.
You try to run from her.
Literally. You get up and go for runs.
You wrap yourself in laughter,
Hoping it can be the right shield.
But in the middle of laughing…that song played.
The tears spilled instantly: Grief showed up.
Finally, you get it.
She will keep showing up,
Unexpected, without invitation.
But now, you know her well.
"It's okay. You can show up.
You keep me close to love."
Eleni Paris
June 2025
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Is it ever “too late” to address grief in therapy?
Absolutely not. Grief is timeless, and its impact can resurface decades after loss. Whether your loss is recent or long past, therapy offers a safe container to explore what remains unspoken or unprocessed. Sometimes old grief gets “stuck” beneath our day‑to‑day defenses, only to bubble up unexpectedly. Working with a therapist can help you name those feelings, understand their meaning, and integrate them into your life narrative, no matter how much time has passed.
2. How long does grief last?
There is no universal timeline. Some people feel the intensity of grief keenly for a few months, while others carry its echoes for years. What’s more consistent is that grief tends to follow its own rhythms, including quiet periods interspersed with sudden waves. Rather than asking “How long will this last?”, it can be more helpful to ask, “How can I learn to live fully alongside this grief?” In therapy, we focus on building tools to ride those waves with curiosity and compassion.
3. Why does grief show up in the “small” moments?
Grief often hides beneath layers of routine, only to reveal itself when something “triggers” it, such as a song, a scent, or a photograph. These moments aren’t random; they’re reminders that grief is tied to what we’ve deeply loved or lost. When an unexpected moment unearths sorrow, it’s an invitation to pause and acknowledge the significance of that connection. In therapy, we learn to notice those triggers, lean into the feelings they bring, and understand what they’re calling us to remember or reclaim.
4. I’ve been “coping” for years. Am I really grieving?
Coping can look like staying busy, numbing out, or intellectualizing emotions. And though these strategies can help us get through day‑to‑day life, they don’t always allow the heart to process loss. If you experience exhaustion, irritability, or a sense that something is “under the surface,” those can be signs that grief is still present. Therapy offers a space to move beyond mere coping, toward genuine emotional processing and healing.
5. How can therapy help me make space for grief without getting overwhelmed?
With a skilled therapist, grief work becomes more than just “talking about loss”—it becomes a space where you can feel, reflect, and begin to carry your sorrow differently.
Because grief is not only emotional, it’s also physical and relational, therefore, we work gently with the whole of your experience. Here’s what that might look like in our work together (always tailored to your unique story and background):
We begin with grounding practices, helping you feel safe and anchored in the present moment. When grief surges, it can feel disorienting or all-consuming. Learning how to breathe, orient, and come back to your body offers the stability needed to do deeper emotional work.
Through somatic awareness, we listen to how grief lives in your body—tight shoulders, a lump in your throat, heaviness in your chest. Rather than ignoring or overriding those sensations, we get curious about them. This embodied approach helps regulate the nervous system and builds trust between your emotions and your body.
Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we identify and name the deeper emotions beneath the surface. Grief often arrives alongside sadness, longing, fear, or even anger. We slow down and make room for those feelings, not to fix them, but to honor them. As you experience those emotions in a safe, connected way, they often begin to soften and integrate.
With Narrative Therapy, we explore the stories that grief is telling in your life...stories of love, loss, identity, and meaning. We separate the grief from who you are, and begin to understand the broader context: not just what you’ve lost, but also what you’ve carried, what has shaped you, and what still connects you to what (or whom) you love.
Solution-focused therapy helps identify glimmers - small but meaningful moments where hope, connection, or relief show up. We build on those, helping you feel that you’re not just surviving grief, rather, you’re still living, creating, and finding your way forward.
And through an Imago-informed lens, especially when grief is affecting your relationships, we explore how to share your emotions with those close to you. It’s easy to feel isolated in grief. Together, we practice ways of expressing vulnerability with partners or family members, so your inner experience can be seen, heard, and held by those closest to you.
And if spirituality or faith is part of your worldview, we can integrate it into the therapeutic process. Whether that means honoring your personal relationship with God, exploring spiritual questions that grief has stirred up, or simply sitting with sacred texts or practices that bring you comfort, we make space for that too, if and when it feels right for you.
Most importantly, we pace the work together. Therapy offers a container...a safe, grounded space where grief can show up without overwhelming you. Where healing happens in layers, and where you're supported in reconnecting with what grief so often points back to: your capacity to love.
Whether you’re facing a recent loss or noticing old grief returning with surprising intensity, please know you’re not alone. Therapy can be a place to be witnessed in your sorrow, and where your grief becomes a part of your story to honor.
If you’re ready to explore that story, I’m here to walk alongside you.
You can book a free consult to learn more:
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